Review - More Than A Stud

Laurie Peterson's review Jun 12, 13
4 of 5 stars

Read in May, 2013

The story is a different take on the usual Vampire versus Slayers story, which made it enjoyable. The writing style is easy to read, but there are place where the plot and timeline jump around a bit, once you get past these, it’s a fun read. The cast of characters are vast and varied, with the good, the bad, the nasty and mean. You have the characters you love, hate and want to slap upside the head, just like in normal life.

Jamie is a photographer and part-time vampire slayer, since his family was killed by vampires. His assistant Glow not only works with him at his studio, but is being trained by Jamie to be a slayer as well. Jamie is at the very least in lust with Shane, America’s Top Male Model, but he thinks he may be in love too. He gets to meet Shane when Glow, who lives in the same building as Shane sets them up. Jamie doesn't like waiting for what he wants and starts to push for a steady relationship, but that’s not who Shane is. Can Jamie wait?

Shane is an orphan whose never know his father. All he has is a cross that was given to him by his mother. It is a cross that is the key to unstoppable power for the vampire who wears it. Unknown to him, he’s half vamp and comes into his power at the age of twenty five. Also unknown to him is the fact his father coming for the cross, with some help from a rival who thinks he’s helping with Shane’s downfall. This leads to a final confrontation with all of the parties there to play. Who will win and what will be the costs?

The author answers some of these questions and leaves others for you to find out about in his next book.

Rednegade Vampire - submitted

Finally took the plunge and submitted R.V.
Now need to play the waiting game.

RenagadeVampire scene list

Updated Ren Vamp's scene list. Discovered I need to delete at
least 3 scenes due to repeat of them. Sigh. But at least that'll help the story.

Beginning of story has 11 ch's and 25 scene. Middle of story begins on ch 12/page 78. So
there are ch 12 thru ch 15 written.

Whew!

Caught up on scene list etc

Finally got caught up on scene list. Discovered I repeated at least one scene twice. Will need to delete
one. Months ago I decided to put a scene # at top of each scene which will let me know how many scenes there are since I'm writing them in chapters for this wip. Have 35 scenes with the next one
partially written.

Middle. Ch 12 begins the story middle.

There are currently 15 chapters drafted. Scene 36 begins ch 16.

WHEW!

Renegade Vampire - keeping or deleting scenes

 l like this new 1st scene for ch 2.

Wish I'd thought of using a bluetooth aand the conversation between Talon and Captain Martinez his former boss.
That does save time for Talon to get to his former boss.

Renegade Vampire - GMC scenes

Here's a list of scene using goals, motivations and conflict. Some stuff is blank since
I'm having trouble figuring them out. These scenes intro hero and his love interest plus
villain and at least one suspect. This is my 1st attempt to write a murder mystery. What are your
thoughts on what I've done so far. Please leave a comment.
Thanks.

RENEGADE VAMPIRE

goals, motivation, & conflicts

new scene list

beginning

 1 -       Inciting Incident

Locale: Portland, Oregon – July 4,2011

                        Vampire kills cop.

POV – Vampire

Goal: to feed his hunger

Motive:           

Conflict:

Disaster;

 2 -       Locale: New Orleans, LA - 1865

POV:  Talon

            Goal:  

            Motive:

            Conflict: his uncle, a vampire bites him and his brother Jude turning

                           them into vampires.

            Disaster: Talon & Jude search for their uncle, but can’t find him.

 3 -       Locale:   San Francisco, CA – July 5, 2011

            POV:      Talon

            Goal:      to keep from getting killed by a vampire slayer

Motive:  so he can go to a meeting with his former boss

Conflict: the slayer, realizing he’s no match for Talon, leaves.

 4 -       POV:       Talon

            Goal:       to get to Portland

            Motive:    to visit his brother Jude who might be in some sort of trouble. Before     

                            he leaves his former boss has a job for him which offers a hefty reward.

since he’s going there anyway, he doesn’t see any harm in making   money while there.

Conflict: Just before he leaves he’s confronted by a loan shark wanting

                money he owes her. He uses his abilities to hypnotize her and

                her driver to make them forget he exist.

  

 

5  -       Locale:                Portland – Late That Afternoon

            POV:       Homicide Detective Dillon McCain, a mortal       

            Goal:       him and his partner Max Ramos investigate the death of a pimp

                while they interview a young man involved in the murder Max

                catches him ogling the man and makes a homophobic.

                remark.

            Motive:   to catch the cop killer so he can get reward.

Conflict:  Fed up with the remarks Dillon starts to punch Max out, but someone

                            stops it. Max orders him to leave the scene of the crime.

  6 -      Locale:    Portland, Same Day After Dusk

            POV:       Talon

            Goal:       to visit his younger brother Jude

            Motive:   to find out if Jude is actually in some sort of trouble

            Conflict:  he’s attacked by slayers

 7  -      POV:       Dillon         

            Goal:       to get away from Max and go home to try to relax

            Motive:   tries to stop his boyfriend from going to Italy

            Conflict:  his boyfriend doesn’t want to stay & leaves

 8  -      POV:       Talon

            Goal:       he finds out where Jude lives

Motive:   he has a feeling Jude has stopped taking his daily

                dosage of synthetic blood to control his hunger, but

                keeps the info to himself. They’re glad to see each

                even though he thinks Jude is faking it. He summons

                the Bay City Vampires, a gay vampire gang which he’s

                the leader. They wish Jude a happy birthday. He lets the

                gang know he might need their help on something he’s

                working on. He does this secretly to not let his brother

                know that he’s a cop again.

Conflict: Jude’s boss calls him and needs him to work. He invites

                his brother and the gang along.

9 -  POV:      Le Fey Torran

      Goal:      become owner of the blue Witch

      Motive:  he does this knowing Jude is an employee  

      Conflict:

 

10 -POV:       Dillon

            Goal:       he lies down for a nap, but can’t sleep. So he changes clothes

                            which are jeans and motorcycle jacket, gets on his Harley and

                            drives away.

            Motive:    he winds up at the Blue Witch,  a gay bar, where mortals and

                             vampires hang out

            Conflict:   hoping to have a peaceful time he gets in an argument with

                             the tallest vampire he’s ever seen and gets punched in the face.

                             the impact is so strong his body lifts off the floor and flies

                              toward the ceiling.

10  -     POV:        Talon

            Goal:        to go with Jude where his work                                                                

            Motive:     to try to enjoy himself

            Conflict:   he sees Dillon falling and manages to catch him. There’s a

                             sexual attraction between them, but he’s disappointed

                             when Dillon’s interest in him changes whenever he

                              sees that talon is a vampire.

11  -     POV:        Dillon

            Goal:        Tries going to sleep, but he can’t keep his mind off

                             Talon and winds up dreaming about him. A phone call

                             awakens him. It’s his bod wanting a meeting with him

                             that night.              

12 -      POV:        Talon

            Goal:        to return to his brother’s house

            Motive:    debates on going to sleep earlier than usual

            Conflict:   but that’s interrupted  by the Portland PD police chief

                             who wants a meeting with him that nigjt.

12 -      PLOT POINT 2

            POV:        Dillon

            Goal:        to find out what the meeting is about

            Motive:                                       

            Conflict:  when the captain introduces him to his new partner – Talon

                             He and Talon are surprised since neither new they are cops.

                             Talon doesn’t like the idea of having a partner, but he’s forced

                             into having one. If he refuses he’ll relinquish the reward money

                             for catching the cop killer.

Renegade Vampire - new notes

Okay. Here's what might make a good wording for a synopsis. What do you think? If you read this please leave a comment explaining your answer. Ty. btw, the word Beginning is for my benefit only.

Renegade Vampire

new notes

12-1-12

   With deaths of cops rising, vampire Talon Torran, must catch the cop

  killer before the entire PD is wiped out.

BEGINNING

           

Vampire Talon Torran, a former tracker of renegade vampires, is asked by the Portland, Oregon police chief to come out of retirement to catch a rogue vampire on a murderous spree. His victims – cops.

Concerned about his younger brother, Jude, being in some sort of trouble, he heads for Portland to make sure the rumors aren’t true. He’d been told by a few of their mutual friends that his brother has considered not to continue his daily dosage of synthetic blood. He hopes for Jude’s sake his faithfulness the SB Program hasn’t slacked or worse. If it has he needs to get him back on track. He doesn’t want Jude to be deported let alone face an uncertain punishment of death.

Before he begins his job he must team with a handsome mortal detective since he’s not authorized to handle any weapons. He quickly discovers he will have difficulty focusing on his work since Dillon McCain is the most handsome man he’s met in over a century and the lust storming through his veins. However, he must be overly cautious to not pursue his emotions toward the hunky mortal. Should they get caught in having an affair both will endure harsh punishment from the US government doesn’t tolerate affairs between mortals and vampires. McCain will brave a new life in an internment camp for eternity from being contaminated from sexual activity with a vampire and Torran will either be deported or face execution without trial.

During his investigation Torran begins to suspect there’s more than one cop killer or at least for some reason the killer is doing his best to make everyone suspect there is. About that same time he and his brother discover an additional problem in their lives – their uncle. Neither have seen Le Fey Torran since he turned them into vampires over a century ago. So why has he made an appearance now?

NOTE: this might be ther exact end of the story beginning.